Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
