Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
