Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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