Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
