mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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