Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
