I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
