what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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