i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
