I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
