The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
