She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
