I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
