FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
