So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
