Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
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