Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
