eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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