We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
