you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
