thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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