i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Randomize
