The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
