well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
you never un-have a 4some
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
