After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I need to stop coming to work sober
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
