Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize