The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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