I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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