You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
