Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
