Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
