Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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