You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
