He disabled his match.com account in front of me
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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