3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
