let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
