No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
