did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Randomize
