4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
