I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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