...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
