Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
