Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
