After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
