ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize