Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
