so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
