Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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