Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
