i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
