its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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