just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
