I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize