oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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