is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
