ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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