We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
