I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
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