he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
