I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
