maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
