the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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