Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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