VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
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