textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize