Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
This house was built for laser tag.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
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