My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
