No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
