Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
