Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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