Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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