I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
