remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
