When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I need to align my fucking chakras
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