Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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