I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
