good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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