eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
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